I’m debating whether I feel like running to Walmart right now to buy stuff to make cupcakes and crafty things. It means I should put a bra on. Its’ Friday and I want to be without a bra right now. I also really don’t feel like making dinner when Dan gets home, but I’m too cheap and lazy to go out.

I’m excited for the weekend, see some friends and family. The Silversun Pickups are apparently playing at Tulip Fest tomorrow and I so want to go!! I already made plans for around that time of day.

I’ve starting and I’m going to continue compiling a collection of recipes and ideas for a bakery. I KNOW this will not happen anytime soon or maybe ever, but I know it will definitely never ever happen if I never try planning some. I figure if I start, then maybe it will keep me motivated for doing this. I’ve looked into selling them out of home. I think it’s a goal to work towards when I might have a house someday. One step at a time. I need to make more money first. So much of everything is patience.

Holy shit my feet fucking hurt. TGIF!!

It’s beautiful out! What am I doing inside! Well I am going to go for a bike ride in a few! Hopefully once Daniel is alive or maybe I can get a friend to out somewheres today with me like Plotterkill or some other little hike.

I’ve been really annoyed lately with people lieing about things that happened or just lieing in general. In both cases the person is several years younger and acts more immature. I’ve always had issues with liars. In the one case though, by them lieing, makes me look like I’m the one tellling the lie. I don’t have anything to gain by lieing. Plus I think lieing is stupid, I’m always bad at it and I think it always comes back to bite people in the ass. Meh I needed to rant a bit

I need to hangout with my friends more. Yesterday I so could have and didn’t. I just get disappointed with myself. This summer is only going to last for so long. Weekends keep passing. I need to make more plans.May is a weird month for plans. I have a lot of family obligations here and there, so I can’t really get away.

Grr the old lady across the hall ruined my plan of taking over the washer and dryer for like 3 hours. I rented Argo last night and didn’t watch, so my plan was to watch it while I waited for the laundry to be done. She messed up my plan!!!! If I go out I’m gonna make Dan be on laundry duty and whenever the machine is free he has to take over! I can’t let those girls up stairs take over my chance!!

So my summer schedule is filling up quickly. Some weekends I just have like a concert or a day event, but it’s busy enough that it’s hard to plan any mini trips. Between now and the end of July I only have like 3 weekends totally free. August is mainly free right now though. I need to plan a going away party for Christine. I also want to plan a trip to the ocean maybe for labor day weekend.

Well I’ve been trying to get out and ride my bike. It’s been hard lately because it’s been sort of chilly. Once you get riding across Scotia, the wind hits you and you just feel frozen. Either way I’ve been trying to get ready for the TourdeCure.

I had a sweet surprise the other day at work. The people at SI who are in charge of us gave my boss and I each a bonus. It was $150 visa card. Anything extra is always really awesome! It was nice of them and made me feel appreciated. My boss keeps saying that they make it seem like they might have me take over at SI and have her go to another location. It means slightly longer days for me and more pay. I’m so poor right now that I really need to go for this if that is what’s in the works.

So Erin talked to me about doing this bakery out of home gig. A year ago I had thought about doing this. Just putting business cards out there, starting a website and trying to sell baked goods out of home and making special occasion cakes. Basically I got a new job, new apartment and helped my sister plan her wedding and put that all on the back burner. Erin asked me about becoming a certified baker and her and I would go into business together doing that. I was excited of course because I’m basically following my dreams by doing that. I thought she is a hard worker and loves to bake, so maybe this will work. Well since then a whole bunch of things have happened which made me realize she’s just very impulsive and it isn’t a good idea. I really want to do this. Now that I know what’s involved, like having the health department come and inspect your kitchen, I don’t think doing with her is a good idea. Maybe if I have a house in a few years I’ll do this on my own. Grrr, I just can’t have anyone mess with my dreams of opening a bakery and not doing it the right way. Plus if I get a promotion at some point, I don’t want to ruin it by having this side gig of baking that isn’t really organized to begin with.

I’m excited, my sister and her husband bought a house on Charles St. It’s so close to me! It’s a cute little blue house with a fenced in yard. Now once they’re settled they need to start making babies so I can come spoil them!!

I’m sooooooooooooooooo excited for summer! I want to have people over soon! I got a small patio set and I really want to get flowers for outside too! I want to go up to the lake for cookouts with people! I want to go camping 2 or 3 times. I want to go hiking!

I’m too brain dead to think of anything else I want to say!

Sunday Morning. I should be getting ready to go to Ivy’s Christening soon. Dan is still asleep, so I don’t have anyone to tell me to hurry up yet!!

Blah so this past week flew by and I had a bunch of stuff going on!! Dan’s grandmas Birthday, I went with my mom to an event at SCCC, my boss was off for two days so I worked longer days at the end of the week.The big thing this week that pisses me off so much is that the kid I work with, his girlfriend, is moving into the apartment above us! I’ve never met here. She sounds ok, but of course he’ll be there all the time and I can’t stand him! Plus to boot, he might not be there much longer…if you know what I mean. He’s just not bright and doesn’t hard at all and I get annoyed when working with people who have no work ethic! I think what annoys me the most is that I think he thought I might be excited about this. I’m wondering if he thinks we’re all gonna hangout, cause it’s not going to happen at all! Now I have to watch what I say and do. I have to be quiet when having sex! WTF it’s my apartment, I shouldn’t have to worry about that.

Meh, so my other rant for the week is girls. It pisses me off when girls don’t want to or like to hangout with other girls because they want to be the guys girl. You don’t have to dress in pink, wear dresses and glitter on your eyes, but you are a girl and it’s ok to be girly sometimes and sit around with the ladies. I love a girl’s night out or in. We need girlfriends! I feel like I enjoy each of my girl friends company for different reasons. I mean, come on, who understands best when us girls need to have a good rant about a guy. Anywho.

I finally joined the tour de cure last night. I chickened out and am only doing 10 miles. I feel like I should try for the 25. Either way I need to get out there and start riding!

My sister is looking at houses with her husband. Most of them are in the Scotia-Glenville area. I’m really excited that she might only live a few miles away from me! Maybe once they’re settled somewheres they can start having babies and I can have some nieces and nephews. oh, did I just say that! ;)

I’m so excited for this better weather, but it just seems too slow to get warm. I keep reminding myself that it might be nicer and there might not be snow, but it’s still really chilly out! Summer needs to get here! I just bought 3 pairs of shorts and tried all my summer clothes on from last year and am all psyched about cute summer outfits!

I need my nails to dry and I need to go to the bathroom big time….That’s my opening line…

You know what I really can’t stand! When people talk constantly about eating healthy and exercising and how they ate too much of this and they only eat 700 calories a day. They tell it to me thinking I’m either the same way or that I want to talk about that all day too. They talk about how they haven’t this and that in months. Yeah I watch what I eat, how much and I exercise a couple times a week. I maintain my weight. I get so annoyed when people just talk about how they need to lose more or how they haven’t barely eaten a thing in months. I think it annoys me because they always bring it up to me as if I’m forging cookies out of my life forever. I lost 70 lbs. when I was 16. My weight has gone up and down and up and down in like a 10-15 lb. range or so since then. I don’t want to hear about it anymore. I had an obsession when I was 16 and I’m happy to have a life with more going on, stop talking to me about the extra 10 calories you ate dammit! My thing has always been, if my jeans fit me, then who cares!

I also get annoyed with some people who are so self centered. All they want to do is talk about their lives. I’M sure I can be like this at times!!!!!! They never ask one single question about your life. They blab and blab about theirs.

I’m in a ranting mood aren’t I!

In other news I went to my nana’s yesterday. She is moving out of her into assisted living and needs to get rid of a lot of her things. She was definitely sad about it for a moment. It’s weird to see her cry and get emotional. She’s my Dad’s mom and that side of the family never really cries and they all get it from her. So to see her get emotional was different. I tried to make her I wrapped all of her really nice things up with care. I think she’s just sad to see all these pieces, which have 65+ years of memories associated with them. I can totally understand. I said I had a hard time getting rid of things after 5 years.

I’m definitely liking this sort of Spring weather. I want to get out and do stuff!! Hiking!! In a few weeks I want to get some flowers and maybe herbs! I think there might be flowers blooming outside our back door. Ok well I got go #2

I just canceled the subscription for battlenet. I don’t play enough or really at all in the last 6 months. I’m also too poor to pay for something I don’t use. Meh I’ve been wanting to go shopping so badly the last few weeks, but every week I’m like I can’t afford it. Right now I’m in the mindset that rent will be due soon. Dan makes more than me and just got a promotion so he’ll be making a lot more than me..which is good, but I hate relying on someone else for money. It’s not even that I bring home nothing, it’s just I act like I can spend money like there’s no tomorrow. I’ve been trying to get better the last few weeks about going out to eat with people and just buying random things I don’t need. I can’t wait til I get my tax return!! I’m going on a little shopping spree and saving the rest! Meh enough bitching about money!

I felt so crappy and tired this week. I don’t even get why I was so exhausted. I was so useless yesterday. I just want the warmer weather to get here already! I think that’s partially why I feel so tired this week! I can’t wait til the warm nights where I can go for a long walk or just sit outside our back door and read a book. I’m starting to plan activities for this summer. There’s a metal show I want to go to at SPAC in July. I can’t wait for to go camping a few times.

St.Patrick’s weekend was fun. Saturday night Bailey and I met up with Bailey, Jordan and Nadalie. We went to the Pinhead’s Block party, which I thought wasn’t that great. We got Bailey and Jordan to come to Peckhams. Of course we ran into everyone you’d expect to see there and more. It was cool. Bailey’s mom brought us to McDonald’s at like 3am. It was a fun night!! The next day I was supposed to bring Bailey and Jordan to their cars, but totally slept and missed 8 calls from them. I felt like an asshole for that. I’m so good at missing phone calls! Bailey hungout with Dan and I all day. We ended up at the ER because Dan had been sick all week. I was annoyed because they didn’t do anything for him. We waited an hour an a half there and nothing…I guess when I go to the doctors I’m used to leaving with like 3 prescriptions and I don’t leave until they diagnose me with something. Anyways…it was cool, Bailey hungout with us all day. I’ve gone out every weekend for a few weeks, except this one and I think I’m just burnt out and needed a low key weekend!!

Well, well, well, it’s Irish weekend. After I go to the gym I shall get all dressed up in green and begins the festivities. Not that there is many festivities planned and St. Patrick’s Day is actually tomorrow. I’ll be hungover tomorrow and maybe manage to make it someplace for corned beef and cabbage. That much needs to happen. I can’t wait to drink Jameson. I’ve been thinking about it all week. It was a long, tiring work week.

So I’ve been on a big health kick this week. This winter I had too many evenings of, “well a few pieces of candy won’t hurt,” or “I’m lazy, let’s just order pizza.” I just have cabin fever and all of a sudden want to get out there and go walking, ride bikes and be outside. I’m sooooooo sick of going to the gym for exercise. So boring, even though I still make myself go. I need to start mixing it up. I’m doing the Tour de Cure in June. I’ve gone on longish bike trips, so I’m not too worried about preparing for it because I actually like to ride my bike a lot. I’d like to do 25 miles for it. Only problem is, I need to actually get a bike! lol

I think I’m going to start compiling recipes and pictures in this blank scrapbook I have of recipes that I’d use in a bakery. Not that I have a bakery, but maybe someday I could or would..I might even cost them out. I just thought doing this might motivate me more towards that goal, even though most of the time my dream of opening a bakery just seems tiring and stressful really.

I can’t wait for nicer weather! Walking, mini trips. I’m going to Annapolis, to my aunt’s place on the weekend of the 4th of July. Excited for that. We’ll also probably go into Washington DC for a day. Dan hasn’t been and I haven’t been since I was like 8. It’ll be fun and my aunt will love it! Hopefully we can go camping the weekend Melissa is going. Other than that weekend I really want to go camping like 3 or 4 times this summer! It needs to happen. A trip to Boston will hopefully happen soon.

Meh, alright I’m just procastinating now!!

You know when there’s someone from your past life and you don’t see them ever anymore and you feel bad for the bad things you did on your part to make them hate you. You don’t want to see them, but you feel bad for the way things ended. Yeah I’ve felt like an asshole for 2 and a half years and for the first time since I finally don’t really feel bad anymore. I saw this person at a party last night and they didn’t acknowledge me at all and their significant other was sort of a bitch to me too. I had forgotten what this person was like. I feel like I’ve let the wrong thing I did in the past overshadow all the little wrong things he did in the past. I remembered those things, thought about where I am now and I’m happy with how my life has changed. I remember how unhappy I was then. I feel like my head is more clear and that sense of guilt has subsided.

Well it’s been a while since I updated.

So life has exciting and dull at the same time. Since I last posted Christmas happened. I loved everything about Christmas season this year. I loved being in our own apartment this year and having a tree. I’d totally do my tree differently next year. I had a Christmas party with friends and that was a bunch of fun! I saw tons of my family then and a lot of Dan’s as well.

Since I’ve moved in I feel like every single weekend I’ve been busy with something. First it was getting organized in the apartment, then it was wedding stuff for Sarah, then shower stuff, then Christmas, then wedding stuff, and then the wedding finally came. The wedding was amazing and sooooooo much fun!! I just want to do all of it over again. Emily’s boyfriend Conor and her did a great job coming up with this awesome movie to play in the theater before the ceremony. The music selection was so awesome. Made me think I need to get out there and listen to more music, old and new. I’m lazy these days and always listen to the same stuff. The dancing was fun. Seeing family and family friends was fun. Ahh I just want it to be that weekend again. I’m excited to have Shane as my brother-in-law. He’s really cool and his family that we met are also really nice and great people! I want more people to get married. I realize I’m at that point where I’ll probably go to many more weddings in the next few years.

In the last few months I haven’t been up to a whole lot. My newish job still seems great! I love the schedule and making the food I want to make. In early January I went to this manager’s dinner for our division of the company. I didn’t really know why I was invited. My boss thought it was because I’m pretty much her assistant and that they’re preparing me to be a manager at some point. I guess I could be ready for that at some point. I just know it means more hours, but of course it means more honey and that is something important to consider!

I feel like I haven’t done a whole of other stuff this winter. Every weekend has been pretty busy though, so in a way it’s been pretty busy. Since my sister’s wedding I’ve been enjoying having what seems like more free time. Lately I’ve been trying to focus on getting out more and do things and see friends. I can’t wait til the weather gets warmer and I can go hiking and want to be outside more often. I really want to go to Boston and see Emily and my aunt and uncle. I think that’ll be a fun trip. I also really want to go camping maybe in May for a weekend and then several more after that. I’d like to have some people over for a small party at some point too. I’ve decided to that I want to start taking more pictures, but better ones. Mines are half ass. There’s just a lot I want to do! I also have a few shows I’d like to go to as well. Eh well that’s all i got for now. I just woke up from a nap and I feel out of it!

It’s been quite a while here. I think my life has changed a whole lot since last time I wrote something.

-Dan and I got an apartment together! I love our place so much! I love having freedom and a place that I can do whatever I want with. Living with Dan has obviously been a bug adjustment because now we see each other a lot. It’s been good though. He doesn’t do a whole lot of cleaning and whatnot, but at the same time I’m super OCD and would rather do it myself anyways lol. I’ve cooked a few good dishes here, but haven’t baked enough! I do love sleeping in the same bed with him, except when we battle for covers. All in all, it’s been good for us, but very different. It makes your life feel different. It’s weird to drive back into Scotia and all the places I drove and walked by everyday for 26 years of my life. Anyways…

-I have a new job. Holy shit, I actually have a new job. If you asked me 3 months ago was I going to be working someplace new anytime soon, I would have said no! I felt like this job was such a great opportunity. In a few ways I feel like I’ve taken a step back, but a step up at the same time. That probably doesn’t make sense. Sometimes I feel like I could probably be doing more, but in other ways I feel like I’m learning and growing a whole lot more. I feel happier that’s for sure. Most of my issues when I worked at the hotel were stemmed from the fact that it was a union hotel and a lot of people took advantage of the system and were lazy and didn’t care as much about their job. I do miss the shit out of the place. I felt like I really grew up there. I started off as such an inexperienced, shy girl and left no nonsense person who has a lot of different kitchen experience. I think the thing I learned the most is how to deal with people. I miss those people so much, even though they drove me insane!

-My grandfather passed away. He’d had this blood cancer for years, but it was the sort of thing that wasn’t going to end his life very fast. He lived for years with it, until this summer we got the news that it was getting worse for him and that he may not have a very long time. It’s just crazy to me that at the end of September he was in great spirits, celebrating his 67th wedding anniversary and then two weeks later took such a huge turn for the worse. I’m glad I went to visit him the one weekend even though he could barely talk because he was so worn down. He asked me about my new job and the apartment. He died 5 days later. I still feel like it seems so unbeleiveable. I thought he’d go on for a few weeks like that, but it’s better that he didn’t and suffer like that. I feel like his death has hit me a lot harder than anyone else I’ve lost. He was hands down the nicest person I have ever known. There was not a mean bone in him. He was inspirational and an extremely accomplished man! I just feel like life really isn’t the same. At the service I saw so many different family members. One thing I noticed was how much older everyone seems. Like them, I’m getting older too and I guess all of this has made me realize how precious life is and how it’s just so important to make the most of it. If there’s one important thing I learned from him, it’s to make sure you always stay connected and check in with all the people you care about!

-My sister is getting married. This is exciting and stressful at the same time. It’s mainly stressful because it’s happening so fast. I feel overwhelmed because Emily and I are maid of honor and Emily is just so amazing at helping plan these things. She has so many awesome ideas and I just feel like I don’t have as much time to spend planning all these things out! It’ll all come together and it’ll so much when it happens! I can’t wait to have everyone together like that!

So other than that, Thanksgiving is next week. I’m so excited to be off from work for four days lol! I can’t wait to decorate the apartment and buy a Christmas tree, bake cookies, pies, all that good stuff. I’m excited for the friend’s Christmas party too!